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Author Topic: Severing ties, loose friendships  (Read 3798 times)

Offline Kenshii

Severing ties, loose friendships
«: August 15, 2008, 12:25:40 PM»
I have been thinking all morning and it brought me here. I am wondering how some people are able to just sever ties with people and not even look back, or how they can let "friendships fade" away when they meet a new group.

For me..its impossible. I'm still hung up on people I haven't talked to in months, years. Now this isn't just an internet thing. Also in real life. Now I understand things change, people change..like when they move or go somewhere else. But I also wonder how some people can just stop talking to their old friends in favor of new ones, or they just completely lock themselves away from everyone without any regret or remorse.

Of course if you feel like you've been wronged you might want to sever ties, or you may want to try to fix them and keep going. Is it the type of person you are? I guess the point of this topic is to just get peoples opinions on this.

Questions involved is: When is it appropriate to "let go" of a relationship/friendship?
What are some reasons?
Do you feel as if it's something that can be avoided?
« Last Edit: August 15, 2008, 12:27:58 PM by Kenshii »



Re: Severing ties, loose friendships
«Reply #1: August 15, 2008, 12:31:20 PM»
It isn't easy for me, at all. I still think about the friends I slowly stopped talking to. In fact, one of my best in real life friends has refused to stop talking to me, despite my anti-social ways towards her. I ended up moving, but we keep in contact everyday, and I'm going to her wedding in September, hopefully, if work allows.

Another friend and I were BFFs in pre-school, then we went to different elementary schools, we moved near each other and started hanging out, until I moved again, but we ended up finding each other in Middle school again. Funny thing is, she moved this time in 8th grade, but we didn't lose contact like the other times. I've had a friend since pre-k and I love talking about things like.. "Do you remember when our brothers were going to go to war, since we lived on different sides of a creek!"

I can't even burn bridges with people I hate talking to. It's like, impossible. I guess, since I lack a real social life, getting any kind of conversation puts me at ease.

Offline Sedde

Re: Severing ties, loose friendships
«Reply #2: August 15, 2008, 12:44:07 PM»
I'm the same way...I keep to myself for the most part, but I DO miss a lot of people. :\ Pretty sure most of my problem is that I'm always afraid I'll somehow intrude into their life at a bad time or something.

If you've really just both grown in different directions, to the point where you have practically nothing in common anymore and no matter how much reminiscing you do, you know things will never be the same...If you know that staying friends will only bring more complications into your life, you should go your seperate ways.

Sometimes it just can't be avoided. Sometimes it's really for the best. :\ I still hold a candle for many of my ex-boyfriends, though, even the ones that cut me off, without talking about it at all. There was no sense of closure there.

I'm hugely nostalgic, but like I said, you have to concede when you know that things will never be how they were no matter how hard you try.

Offline Anarchy

Re: Severing ties, loose friendships
«Reply #3: August 15, 2008, 03:43:32 PM»
I was born and raised a military brat. The longest I've ever lived in one place would be about 7 years, and living on military bases all of your friends are fleeting. I've learned not to get too close to people, and I let very few people get close to me because I am afraid I will end up hurting them. Now, I don't move around all the time anymore but growing up it was all I knew, so it is just second nature for me to have these 'loose' friendships. I'm very good at severing ties because I'm just so used to being alone/having to leave the people I love behind without skipping a beat.

I've noticed this trend has followed me to furcadia. People get very angry or fed up with me because I'm so hard to get to know, but I really honestly think it is for the best of everyone if they go on their way and don't attempt to become friends. Now I'm not saying people can't do this, I've made friends this way, but you have to be very patient with me.

I think you shouldn't always judge someone because they give up their friends easily or don't keep them too close, typically it's caused by something deeply psychological.

I don't miss people, I miss places and moments in time.
« Last Edit: August 16, 2008, 08:34:42 PM by Anarchy »

Offline Maryvic

Re: Severing ties, loose friendships
«Reply #4: August 15, 2008, 04:09:27 PM»
I share a very similar answer as Anarchy. I have no real sense of home because of the military, and I've grown apart from almost everyone I've ever known. I try to keep in touch with the few that I never want to leave and forget, but we all have our own lives to live. You just get used to having temporary friends and move on when their time is done.

Offline Hugo

Re: Severing ties, loose friendships
«Reply #5: August 16, 2008, 05:46:04 PM»
When someone becomes the opposite of themselves and refuses to listen to you or treat you like they once did, it's fine to let them go. They are no longer the person you befriended.

Offline Project-Capricorn

Re: Severing ties, loose friendships
«Reply #6: August 16, 2008, 08:13:17 PM»
Words of wisdom, Hugo. <3

Offline Lord

Re: Severing ties, loose friendships
«Reply #7: August 17, 2008, 09:44:25 PM»
When someone becomes the opposite of themselves and refuses to listen to you or treat you like they once did, it's fine to let them go. They are no longer the person you befriended.

i completely agree with this. though this has only happened two or three times, i'm all for completely severing ties with someone if they do something that you find that the real person you met couldnt have done. sorry if that didnt make sense

there are some friends that i havent spoken to in.. jeeze, ages. i think about them nearly every day. but it's not because i left them for new friends. it's because they left me, or they quit furc for various reasons. however, i have their MSN, AIM, etc, so it's not a -complete- loss. do i still talk to them? every now and then.

uhh i'll add more when i think of it.

Offline Azula

Re: Severing ties, loose friendships
«Reply #8: August 18, 2008, 11:30:24 PM»
i am so disconnected from the rest of society, therefore people, so it's easy for me to cut off any ties with any friend no matter how close they are to me in a snap.

Offline pix

Re: Severing ties, loose friendships
«Reply #9: August 19, 2008, 02:06:31 AM»
i find that it's hard for me to just let go of people too.
i still think a lot about my best friend from middle school who i got so mad at that i just stopped talking to them years ago. i basically ruined her life and still hate her a lot, but sometimes i just miss how we used to get along so well and could talk/do anything with each other.
i cling to the real life relationships that i do have, because it's so hard to make friends i'll get along with because where i live is so small/people are closeminded.
ive found even if someone did something terrible to me, i still miss them a lot and wish we were friends again.

for some reason though, internet friendships for me just don't seem as hard to let go of. i've lost a lot of friends from furc, and even though i sometimes miss them, it's just not that i'm as focused on them as i am with real life ones. i still see my best friends right now so much more important then real life, but just the old friends i had don't feel the same.

i think avoiding losing friends is possible though. i mean, everyone tends to make mistakes sometimes. some people just don't tend to think before they speak/are in a really bad mood. i've lost a lot of friends because i used to have that problem, and i still wish i could take it back.
i normally just stop being friends with someone if they talk behind my back or betray me some way.
look at all your different colored hats

Offline Sapphirus

Re: Severing ties, loose friendships
«Reply #10: August 19, 2008, 01:03:54 PM»
If your friend was to listen to something negative about you; being said from someone else, and believe it without confronting you first, or figuring it out on their own. It's better to let go of that friend.

If your friend, all of sudden is rude to you out of nowhere, and you've been friends with them for years, etc. Let them go, they changed because of someone elses influence.

I've had friends who stood by my side for years, then all of a sudden out of the blue they yell and send flames towards me, like in a whisper, email, or anything they have to contact me with. I usually/now expect any friend of mine to turn against me from anothers words, this is why the internet isn't a good place to make friends at really.

Usually confrontation and cooperation is useless, it works only if that friend hasn't been told things and got too believing, or if they're willing to talk it out with you.

It's better and more convienient to hang/talk with reality friends, IRL. Atleast you can interact with them literally and study their personality. The internet, well, friends can be fake and plot against you for their own gain or for someone else. Lol @ poplulary gain and insecurity.

IRL i'm basically solitary because i'm careful with who I hang out with, not with friends though because I know which ones to trust and to keep at a distant. Being to myself is more fun though.

I can easily let anyone go without regret, because i'm use to friendship-betrayal, especially if I did nothing wrong to them/personally.

As the famous saying goes, keep your friends close, enemies closer...
« Last Edit: August 21, 2008, 04:14:24 AM by Sapphirus »

Offline MT

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Re: Severing ties, loose friendships
«Reply #11: August 20, 2008, 08:50:17 AM»
For me, it depends on the person. If I've known them for years then I usually will try my hardest to keep them as a friend, but if it's someone that I've never really been close to and we eventually stop talking, then I don't have much of a problem letting go.
Now, if someone just turned around and betrayed me I'd drop them like a hot poptart on a cold kitchen floor. (lolol I got that simile from the book speak :BBBB ) I rarely forgive and have alot of trust issues, but I usually try my hardest to keep friends close.

Offline Feri

Re: Severing ties, loose friendships
«Reply #12: August 21, 2008, 12:29:21 AM»
In real life, most of the friends I have are people I've known since around 1st grade. However, one of my best friends is someone I only met freshman year, and didn't really talk to until Sophomore year. (I am a senior in high school.) I feel closer to her than I have most people I've known much longer.

I have a friend who was my BEST friend until she met this same person, and decided that this new girl was her new best friend. She completely ditched me. She was a super big mooch, and I put up with her because I felt I was all she had, and she completely dumped me. But to be honest? I don't care. I have lots of friends, I talk to lots of people, and I don't have a problem making new friends.

I tend to not remember a lot of people. I had a really good friend in elementary school whose last name I don't even remember. I feel awful for this but I honestly don't think about her unless something about her directly is brought up.

The internet is completely different. I find it very convenient that a lot of the people I talk to on Furcadia are nice and interesting. However, I would not be devastated if they all up and left me. I would not miss most of them, because they are on the internet, and I truly have a hard time associating people on the internet with people behind computer screens. So I guess... since I don't associate with a face, a hug, a day spent together... it's hard to feel.... sad without them there.

But I am definitely grateful for the friends I do have and I don't think I've had any severe fallings out with anyone in my life... really.... ever! So....